I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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