Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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