I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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