I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
