He had one of those small greek statue penises
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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