i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
