They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
They have beer where we have blood.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
