turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
