told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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