I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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