I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
