Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
