God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
