I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
