This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm at about main and main street
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
