oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
