He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
