I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
