We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
