Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
