he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
