We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
