you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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