my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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