So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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