girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
