I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
as a side note pls kill me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
