i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
