lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
