Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
