Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
