there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
