Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
