In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just cut my nipple shaving
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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