so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
