we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
