My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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