I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
