I wanna bring you to show and tell
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
