she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
someone owes me an orgasm
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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