Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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