i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
me + whiskey = a bad person
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
