can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
