will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
