Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
