I've blown a few things in my day
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
