Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
