the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
