I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
