elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
