Sober January is a disaster.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm at about main and main street
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
