I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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