Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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