Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
