I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
