Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
