obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
