...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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