my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
